Australia
Breathes creativity.
Enjoys the simple things in life.

15. July 2014

The difference is whether she has more than sexual chemistry with me

As someone who did the casual thing for about 9 and a half years before meeting and getting to know my current gf (also a redditor and probably reading this), I’ll try and give my take.

Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type (vastly different interests, beliefs, etc) and it was purely about the physical. If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff. I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. That’s not to say there weren’t girls who I had feelings for, but my trust issues meant that I stifled the feelings and kept them at arm’s length, or inexpertly blurted out how I felt while drunk and made a hash of it.

I really don’t wanna come off like a misogynist, but I respect a woman more if she doesn’t just put out straight away. It’s down to trust and I don’t think I could trust a girl who would just sleep with me the first time we meet to not do the same with others. Probably a self-esteem thing too. My head was a little fucked before, due to being screwed over and hurt in the past (if you didn’t already guess that when I said I’d been single by choice for nearly a decade).

Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc – all the things my girlfriend is. It’s early days really, but I love spending time with her, I consider myself lucky to know her, and I trust her. That’s the real difference, I guess. The fact that she’s gorgeous on the outside too is just a bonus – I can’t help but feel a little smug.